Doubling up on exercise this week.

Time to put the gym membership to good use, and double up on workouts. With school in, my walking partner needs to go at 6 a.m. which means a rise and shine at 5:45 a.m.  Then my other friend goes to the gym at about 8:45 am and now I feel committed to go then as well. No pain, no gain - right. I did body combat today and tomorrow is dance fitness, and Thursday - guts'n butts. I will probably skip Friday, but go Saturday.  There's no way I would go unless I was meeting someone there, but that extra push helps me get there. We've also added some running into our morning walks on M,W,F.

I'll be sore, actually I'm already sore, but that means change! I want to change, almost as much as I want cookies. I will know when I've made it when I want change more than I want cookies.

I'm back!

Man, those last two weeks of summer were killers. I didn't have a chance to even breathe. So here I am. I'm not going to go back and post all the pictures I missed, but I have at least been taking pictures even if I haven't been blogging about them.

My goal this week is to have 100% week. It's Monday - so far so good. I am also doing my best to go to bed by 10:30 pm because I am getting up at 5:45 am. Crazy! I do like getting my exercise done early, but ugh.

I am also going to try to make it to the gym at least three times this week. There's no reason to pay for a pass if I'm not going to use it. I'm hoping it will help firm up my lovely pear shape into something with more of a waist.

On the positive side: today I was working and needed to stop for lunch. I went to the grocery store and bought a salad and a bowl of fruit. Yea me!

Now on to bed for a good nights sleep so I can do it all again tomorrow.

August 13 - August 20, I'm really too busy to diet or exercise, but I'm doing my best.

I'm afraid to go back and read my blogs. I'm sure they all start out, "My life is crazy!" It's true. It seems we are trying to pack every second full these last few weeks before summer ends. I think the hard part for me has been working like crazy during the week and then being gone every weekend. I really need Sunday to be a day of rest and it hasn't been. I haven't managed to get pictures of myself every day, but I did exercise every day this week (even though I had to go at 10 pm tonight, and will have to turn around and get up at 6:17 am after having taken my niece to the bus station at 2:00 am. I think sleep is the part of the health equation I am missing most. I have also been so busy I have skipped a couple of meals - that NEVER happens. On the plus side, I weighed in at 174.8.  We are off again this weekend to Sun Valley. A fun trip with the Nielsons. I will get lots of pictures of me being active. 

Here comes another weekend (I know it's only Thursday, but during summer weekends start earlier)

I always feel like I'm just hitting my stride, my momentum, and then here's the weekend again filled with guests, trips, and family reunions. It's much easier to stay on track when I have a regular routine instead of weird schedules and uncertain plans.

Today is fine, but tomorrow is pizza night. Last Saturday that meant way over eating, and as a result I didn't lose any weight last week. This week I am down a pound and if I am careful for the next three days, I can make it two.

My plan for the day:
B: egg sandwich and fruit
L: 1/2 pita sandwich, veggies, and fruit
D: Grilled chicken, 1/2 baked potato, corn on the cob, salad, watermelon.

I did talk to a friend about going back to the gym and I hope to start that Monday.

The frustrating thing about this whole process is that my fat baseline always used to be 172. I could hold on to 172 to matter what I ate, and then one day - BAM! I'm at 182. 182? That can't be my new fat baseline. So now at 176, I am still just trying to get back to my normal fat baseline so I can really start this whole process. Crazy I know, but I hate that I let things get so far out of control. I was really at the point where I didn't care and was just eating garbage all the time.

I haven't talked about the addiction recovery program lately, but I think I'm ready to start step 2. I have accepted the fact that I am powerless and have really felt the spirit helping me these last few weeks as I try to make healthy changes.

Step two: KEY PRINCIPLE: Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.

That's a pretty powerful statement. Basically that sums up the atonement. If you don't believe that God can help you and restore you then life is pretty hopeless because we are very imperfect human beings that make mistakes all the time.  I do believe God can help me and heal me, and I do believe in the atonement. I don't think I could even try if I didn't.

Today I will strive for consistency and integrity in my actions and reactions.

7/9/2015 - 7/12/2015 Busy days, missed a couple of pics and blogging.

 I'm just trying to get caught up so I can be on track again. I didn't get a picture Sunday or Monday, but did Tuesday and Wednesday. I have been really faithful about exercising M-F, but next week I start a challenge I signed up for and will have to move exercise to 6 days a week. The last three days have been crazy busy and in some ways it makes it easier to stay on track, but sometimes I grab the easy choice instead of the good choice when I am that busy. Sunday calories: 1,772, Monday: 1,639, Tuesday: 1,500. Today I am determined to hit my goal of staying under 1,500 calories. I will just have to stay out of the kitchen after 9 p.m. Wish I could padlock it closed.

7/8/2015 No picture today.

Hopefully, this is the only day I don't post a picture. It was the worst day ever. No exercise, no picture, I enjoyed a breakfast of pancakes and waffles with buttermilk syrup, and topped it off with pizza (and plenty of it) that night. Calories: 2,110. Ouch. Days like this won't help me reach my goals.

8/7/2015 Decided exercise in Yellowstone for the day.

Got up at 6 am and headed to Yellowstone for the day. We didn't get in any long hikes, but a series of short walks. I'd like to say we walked quickly, but it was a little difficult with all the tourists taking pictures of themselves or others.

Fun day. It's nice to walk in such a beautiful landscape.

Calories: 1,659 - but I walked off the extra.

8/6/2015 It's never easy to stay firm when all you really want is a Sonic shake.

My best friend came in town today and thankfully she's all about eating right, or we would be out to lunch and shakes after 8. It has made it a little easier to make good choices when I'd really like to just throw it all to the wind.

Since I am posting this 5 days after the fact, I'll keep it short. Calories for the day - 1516.

I changed my status from "light" activity to "active"

I've been working a part-time job for the last couple of months and it's great to have something to get me out of the house and keep me busy. I don't particularly like a job that I am tied to every day, and this one gives me the flexibility to work on my own time. It gives me an excuse to get up and get my exercise done in a timely manner and put on real clothes instead of pajamas. However, it also gives me the luxury of working at home in my pj's if I want to:) Having a job also keeps me out of the kitchen and the temptations of snacking, and I feel I can list my status as "active" on My Fitness Pal.

My job keeps me "active" at least 1/2 the time, but it also forces my to be quicker on my chores and keeping up with the house work.

I want to be an example of healthy living all around, eating right and pursuing a lifestyle away from the couch and the computer. Now I just need to pull my children along with me.

August 4, 2015 Time Makes All the Difference

I've noticed that I am always in a hurry. I'm in a hurry driving, I'm impatient in line at the grocery store, and I'm a fast eater. I don't know if it stems back to early morning seminary days when I would sleep in as long as possible, then jump out of bed, get dressed, eat a rushed breakfast, and head to seminary.

Children came along and it seemed that if I wanted to eat, I'd better hurry up and get it done. Now days, I am just in the habit of inhaling my food instead of enjoying it. I can be the last one to the table and still be finished before everyone is half-way through their meal. Not good. My daughter Kimber eats at a snails pace and is full before she finishes. I want to be like Kimber. I have tried eating slow and the whole time I just feel this pent up anxiety telling me to hurry up.

Part of changing my habits has got to be more mindful eating, as well as slower eating so my body can recognize when it is full. I think I need a visual reminder - like a stop watch or countdown timer. Then I need to plan twenty minutes for a meal instead of five.

My eating today went well until about 10:30 at night when Megan pulled out the caramel corn puffs. Dang it - they are my weakness and 10:30 pm I am really vulnerable. Go to bed I told myself, you don't want that I told myself, and then I ate some.

It's after midnight, but I'm doing this anyway.

It's all about consistency right?  That's about all I've got left right now. I exercised today, added in some interval training, and ate right. The thing that is really killing me right now is lack of sleep.

So, with that said, I'm off to bed.

Humility, part of step 1

In trying to understand humility I turned at once - to the internet. Wikipedia did have some great insight, but so did the scriptures. When thinking about humility I thought that we were basically to think of ourselves as less than the dust of the earth. To me that seems demeaning, but what it really comes down to is appreciating our talents and who we are, but recognizing that no matter what we make of ourselves, we still have infinitely far to go and it is only through being submissive to the will of God that we can get there.  Two words that I will think of now when I think of humility are submissive and grateful. When we recognize daily our blessings and turn our will to the Father, then real changes can begin happening in our lives.

C.S. Lewis writes, in Mere Christianity, that pride is the "anti-God" state, the position in which the ego and the self is directly opposed to God: "Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness, and all that, are mere fleabites in comparison: it was through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind."[11] In contrast, Lewis states that, in Christian moral teaching, the opposite of pride is humility and, in his famous phrase, "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less."

I love that last quote, "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less." Awesome. Alma says: “Because ye are compelled to be humble blessed are ye; for a man sometimes, if he is compelled to be humble, seeketh repentance; and now surely, whosoever repenteth shall find mercy; and he that findeth mercy and endureth to the end the same shall be saved” (Alma 32:13).

I am compelled to be humble. I wish I had chosen to be humble all on my own, but here I am. This first week has been a really good week. I have acknowledged weakness, resisted temptation, and started to make positive changes in my life. I cannot make this change on my own, and appreciate the help from the Lord. There have been scriptures in my reading this week that have been really helpful and positive influences all around me.

I weighed in at 178 this morning. Down 4 lbs.

Menu:
Roast, potatoes, carrots, gravy, roll, jello, salad

It is fast Sunday, and my goal is to not eat all of my daily calories in one meal. I have to recognize that binge eating is not healthy and each meal much be made of good choices.

Crushed it!

Well, my plan was to get up early and exercise, but that didn't happen. I did get up and have a great breakfast and then I hit the yard. Three hours of vigorous weed pulling and digging with sweat running down my face and back - I felt like I worked out. I'm also feeling the soreness at the end of the day. I did try to figure how many calories you burn when you pull weeds, shovel, and do yard work. I figured about 300/hr. Not a lot, but three hours worth is pretty great.

I did stay well within my calorie count and am looking forward to fast Sunday. When my focus is not on food, I can really concentrate on other things. The most difficult thing will be going from fasting to road trip - I often get tired when I don't eat. Scott said he's come along for company.

Food for today:
B:  1 cinnamon raisin bagel, fried eggs, strawberries
L:  Ham pita with veggies, grapes
D: 1/2 hamburger, tater tots, watermellon

I said "no" to the orange julius I made for dinner, the free creamies at Sam's club, and the popcorn during the movie.  Yea me for abstaining and making great choices.

Nothing good happens after 10

The nights I go to bed on time, at a reasonable hour, I am successful. The nights I stay up late watching a movie - not so much.

I did great all day and blew it in the home stretch. It's just something I really need to be aware of and put my calories in My Fitness Pal before I eat it and not after.

Heading into the weekend, I want to be successful. I plan to get up at 7 am, go to the gym, shower and breakfast, then off to garage sales.

I've been sore for several days from the lunges and squats I did on Wednesday, but that should be easing up by tomorrow so I can do it all again.

I told my brother Rich today that taking a picture a day and waiting to see changes in my body is like watching a flower grow - it takes forever, but in the end I hope to become who I want to be on the outside as well as the inside. This journey is about making changes physically, mentally, and spiritually - a day at a time.  Today I read in Alma 7:  "And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gently; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, bot spiritual and temporal; always returning things unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive." I felt like the verse was really teaching me and directing me to not give up and continue the course.

My food today:
B: Fried egg, 1/2 bagel, tomato, strawberries
L: banana, salad with chili, chicken, sour cream, cheese, and guacamole
D: salad, spaghetti, and grapes
S: popcorn, 3 semi-sweet chocolate chips, and 1/2 bagel
Calories overage:  198

Thursday July 30 - Staying strong

 I'm not really good at this blog thing yet. I read my posts and find them quite boring, but it's all part of the process.

My weight today 178.6.  I weighed myself before I exercised and after and went with the better number.

I did really well on my food intake for the day, but blew it for abstinence. I got to the end of the day and we started a movie about 9:30 pm. Megan wanted to open the killer caramel corn puffs and I not only had a handful of those, but I sliced off a piece of muffin too.  It didn't kill me as for as calories went and it wasn't even the sugar that was the issue, it was the random snacking/compulsive eating. Today I am resolved to follow my plan.

Menu
B: Eggs, 1/2 bagel, strawberries, v-8
L: Pita with turkey, avocado, veggies, and grapes
D: Chicken fajita and grapes
S: Cucumber, caramel corn puffs, and a slice of pistachio muffin

On the plus side I have done some weights the last two days and am feeling it every time I sit on the toilette. (More information than you really wanted).

Go me!

Honesty is about facing reality and so today I post measurements.

Yesterday, the only mindless eating I participated in was popcorn in front of the TV. It's not a bad thing - popcorn in front of the TV, but I need to put it in an appropriately sized container. I did account for it in my meal plan, but I hadn't planned on it in the first place.

Today started out right with a fast walk, 20 minutes of strength training, scriptures, and something good to eat. The rest of the day I should be fairly busy so it should help keep my mind focused on other things.

I plan to eat:
B: English muffin with egg and fruit
L: Turkey/avocado/lettuce wrap
D: Grilled chicken, pasta, salad, green beans

My measurements:
Rt arm: 12.5
Lt arm: 12.25
Rt. thigh: 24.5
Lt. thing: 24.25
Chest: 39
Hip: 47
Waist: 40

Hiding things always makes things shameful, and while I don't love where I am at right now, I own it and am moving forward in a positive direction. I always think what courage some people have participating in the Biggest Loser and being willing to put themselves out there so blatantly. This is my little bit of courage.

Busy day, but managed to log all my calories.

It's too late to say much, but I did have a few successes to share. I got up, exercised, made healthy choices for food all day, and when I took the girls for milk shakes - I didn't have even a bite. I also stayed really close to my calorie goal.  I still did not get any weight training in, but tomorrow - for sure.

I weighed in at 179.2

Food:
B: English muffin egg sandwich and fruit
L: Wild rice and chicken soup and 1/2 turkey sandwich
D: Beef & broccoli with brown rice and quinoa.

My new favorite find today was brown rice and quinoa packs that take 90 seconds to cook.  Perfect.

Tomorrow I will take measurements so I can keep track of my inches.

Baby steps all the way.  Now for a good night's sleep.

Still working on abstaining.

I'm writing this post the day after I was supposed to. I did get my picture taken for the day,  but didn't take the time to reflect on the day before.

Sunday I didn't make the best food choices, but I did manage to stay pretty close to my chosen calorie allotment. I am trying to be more conscious of resisting snacking, tracking what I put in my mouth and trying to be really diligent about writing down my food intake. For the most part I am succeeding. It has helped that things have been really busy the last few days. Less time to sit around contemplating food.

As I'm writing this, my daughter Kendra looks over my shoulder and says, "When was that taken." I said yesterday. She proceeds to tell me that I don't look like that and that the picture makes me look tall.  Well, far from looking tall, I am at least faced daily with a picture of myself that tells the truth - I've got a ways to go.

I am working on abstinence for the next four weeks, and as I defined in my previous post: abstinence for me is refraining from eating compulsively and eating with a healthy purpose in mind. I understand when you make the commitment to rid your self of a bad habit or undesirable trait, you must replace it with a good or positive habit or trait. I'm not sure yet what I am replacing my compulsive eating with, but I'm working on it.

Food today:
B: English muffing/egg sandwich and fruit
L: 1/2 turkey sandwich and salad
D: Potato soup

I walked in the morning, but I'm still not getting weight training done.

Being willing to abstain - step 1

There's nothing like trying to change something important in your life and then the next day going on vacation. I don't do it intentionally, but when I think vacation I allow myself to throw any positive habits I've developed out the window. We could be 100% faithfully reading our scriptures, summer comes and we read nothing. So really when you factor in the three months of summer break, the week of Thanksgiving, two weeks for Christmas, and a week for spring break - that's four months of vacation. So, for at least four months out of the year I am not faithfully reading my scriptures, exercising, or eating anything at all resembling healthy food, and it's frustrating. Not only that, but they are spaced so that as soon as I get back on the wagon there is another "vacation" waiting to take me down. How do I combat the vacation mindset that undermines my success?

Step 1 in the addiction recovery program talks about being willing to abstain.  This line from step 1 gives me hope: "The only requirement to begin recovery is the desire to stop participating in the addiction. If your desire is small and inconsistent today, don’t worry. It will grow!" I would have to say that my desire over the last weekend was just that - small and inconsistent, but every day I wanted to do better. So, per the program, what do I have to gain from abstaining, and what do I lose when I indulge?

When indulge I lose:

• My integrity. When I am being destructive to my body and when I indulge and try to explain away my behavior I lose integrity.
• Power over my addiction. Every time I stop acting with integrity and indulge in addictive behavior I lose more that just that day or that moment, but it's like starting over only 10 times harder.
• The opportunity to reach my goals. It's not just a stop, but it is a decisive step in the wrong direction.
• Momentum. 

When I abstain I gain:

• Confidence in my self and my choices.
• A stronger heart, might, and mind.
• Every good choice fills my bucket and makes me more able to resist temptation.
• An attitude of abstinence that carriers over into other areas I struggle with like spending money compulsively.

I guess I should specify what abstaining means for me. Abstaining isn't really about the food so much as it is about the behavior. I am a compulsive eater and often mindlessly put food into my mouth when I am not hungry and without really thinking about it.  Abstaining from compulsive eating is my main goal.  Along with that is a desire to significantly reduce the amount of processed foods and empty carbs from my diet. So with that said, I present my heavily carb loaded food intake for today.

My food for today:

1 1/4 muffin

Chobani yogurt

Chocolate milk

Baked potato with chili

Beginning tomorrow, my focus will be adding in weight training at least three times a week and eating more protein, less carbs.

Photo for the day. Keeping it real!

Day 2 Going on vacation the day after I decide to change my life.

A report on yesterday's successes: stayed pretty close to my plan, but found myself with a handful of chocolate chips and popcorn before I realized I was unconsciously snacking. I did go over on my allotted calories, but I was more aware of my choices and still are fewer calories than usual.  Today we are traveling to Utah so no fitness picture, but I will post a picture today.

Meal plan:
B: chibani yogurt with kashi go-lean crisp
L: salad and fruit
D: fish tacos

My goals for today:
Dance like no one is watching
Choose physical activities
Record everything I eat.

Here's my picture from Saturday - Day 2. It was not intentionally bad, but oh well.

You Have to Start Somewhere - Honesty

It's painful to face, but I am at the heaviest I have ever been, barring pregnancy. Weighing in at 182 lbs., my 5'4" frame is not equipped to handle this weight without making my joints creek and my back ache.

I've tried lots of diets, fitness plans, fads, and trends, but lately I have been completely unmotivated to even try. With over 50 lbs to lose, I'm discouraged and frustrated.

With this photo journal, I am committed to taking a photo every day for a year and recording it here.  Along with the photo I will record my food plan for the day, and my success or failure the next day.  I will take regular measurements and share my exercise plan.

I have to believe that I can be successful, that I can be healthy, and that I am worth the struggle. I will also use the church's addiction recovery program as a guide for my blog.  There are 12 steps and I will tackle a step every month.  This month is honesty.

KEY PRINCIPLE: Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.

Powerless is definitely how I feel. I used to feel empowered, but now I just seem to not care. I eat without thought, and tell myself each night that tomorrow I will change, but it never happens. Part of the first step is being willing to abstain, to stop participating in the addiction. Since mine is food based and it is impossible to not eat I will commit to abstaining from processed food including packaged cookies, chips, and snack food. I will also limit my bread, pasta and rice intake to two portions per day from the three, focusing my food intake on vegetables, fruits, and good proteins.

To day I will eat:
B:  egg sandwich with turkey on English muffin and cantaloupe
L:  apple, salad, 1 tbs ranch, tomatoe, ham
D: Pizza with veggies and fetta and salad and fruit

Exercise: walk 3 miles.  Do 20 minutes calisthenics and stretching before bed.

Meditate and reflect on my day for 10 minutes.