Nothing good happens after 10

The nights I go to bed on time, at a reasonable hour, I am successful. The nights I stay up late watching a movie - not so much.

I did great all day and blew it in the home stretch. It's just something I really need to be aware of and put my calories in My Fitness Pal before I eat it and not after.

Heading into the weekend, I want to be successful. I plan to get up at 7 am, go to the gym, shower and breakfast, then off to garage sales.

I've been sore for several days from the lunges and squats I did on Wednesday, but that should be easing up by tomorrow so I can do it all again.

I told my brother Rich today that taking a picture a day and waiting to see changes in my body is like watching a flower grow - it takes forever, but in the end I hope to become who I want to be on the outside as well as the inside. This journey is about making changes physically, mentally, and spiritually - a day at a time.  Today I read in Alma 7:  "And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gently; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, bot spiritual and temporal; always returning things unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive." I felt like the verse was really teaching me and directing me to not give up and continue the course.

My food today:
B: Fried egg, 1/2 bagel, tomato, strawberries
L: banana, salad with chili, chicken, sour cream, cheese, and guacamole
D: salad, spaghetti, and grapes
S: popcorn, 3 semi-sweet chocolate chips, and 1/2 bagel
Calories overage:  198

Thursday July 30 - Staying strong

 I'm not really good at this blog thing yet. I read my posts and find them quite boring, but it's all part of the process.

My weight today 178.6.  I weighed myself before I exercised and after and went with the better number.

I did really well on my food intake for the day, but blew it for abstinence. I got to the end of the day and we started a movie about 9:30 pm. Megan wanted to open the killer caramel corn puffs and I not only had a handful of those, but I sliced off a piece of muffin too.  It didn't kill me as for as calories went and it wasn't even the sugar that was the issue, it was the random snacking/compulsive eating. Today I am resolved to follow my plan.

Menu
B: Eggs, 1/2 bagel, strawberries, v-8
L: Pita with turkey, avocado, veggies, and grapes
D: Chicken fajita and grapes
S: Cucumber, caramel corn puffs, and a slice of pistachio muffin

On the plus side I have done some weights the last two days and am feeling it every time I sit on the toilette. (More information than you really wanted).

Go me!

Honesty is about facing reality and so today I post measurements.

Yesterday, the only mindless eating I participated in was popcorn in front of the TV. It's not a bad thing - popcorn in front of the TV, but I need to put it in an appropriately sized container. I did account for it in my meal plan, but I hadn't planned on it in the first place.

Today started out right with a fast walk, 20 minutes of strength training, scriptures, and something good to eat. The rest of the day I should be fairly busy so it should help keep my mind focused on other things.

I plan to eat:
B: English muffin with egg and fruit
L: Turkey/avocado/lettuce wrap
D: Grilled chicken, pasta, salad, green beans

My measurements:
Rt arm: 12.5
Lt arm: 12.25
Rt. thigh: 24.5
Lt. thing: 24.25
Chest: 39
Hip: 47
Waist: 40

Hiding things always makes things shameful, and while I don't love where I am at right now, I own it and am moving forward in a positive direction. I always think what courage some people have participating in the Biggest Loser and being willing to put themselves out there so blatantly. This is my little bit of courage.

Busy day, but managed to log all my calories.

It's too late to say much, but I did have a few successes to share. I got up, exercised, made healthy choices for food all day, and when I took the girls for milk shakes - I didn't have even a bite. I also stayed really close to my calorie goal.  I still did not get any weight training in, but tomorrow - for sure.

I weighed in at 179.2

Food:
B: English muffin egg sandwich and fruit
L: Wild rice and chicken soup and 1/2 turkey sandwich
D: Beef & broccoli with brown rice and quinoa.

My new favorite find today was brown rice and quinoa packs that take 90 seconds to cook.  Perfect.

Tomorrow I will take measurements so I can keep track of my inches.

Baby steps all the way.  Now for a good night's sleep.

Still working on abstaining.

I'm writing this post the day after I was supposed to. I did get my picture taken for the day,  but didn't take the time to reflect on the day before.

Sunday I didn't make the best food choices, but I did manage to stay pretty close to my chosen calorie allotment. I am trying to be more conscious of resisting snacking, tracking what I put in my mouth and trying to be really diligent about writing down my food intake. For the most part I am succeeding. It has helped that things have been really busy the last few days. Less time to sit around contemplating food.

As I'm writing this, my daughter Kendra looks over my shoulder and says, "When was that taken." I said yesterday. She proceeds to tell me that I don't look like that and that the picture makes me look tall.  Well, far from looking tall, I am at least faced daily with a picture of myself that tells the truth - I've got a ways to go.

I am working on abstinence for the next four weeks, and as I defined in my previous post: abstinence for me is refraining from eating compulsively and eating with a healthy purpose in mind. I understand when you make the commitment to rid your self of a bad habit or undesirable trait, you must replace it with a good or positive habit or trait. I'm not sure yet what I am replacing my compulsive eating with, but I'm working on it.

Food today:
B: English muffing/egg sandwich and fruit
L: 1/2 turkey sandwich and salad
D: Potato soup

I walked in the morning, but I'm still not getting weight training done.

Being willing to abstain - step 1

There's nothing like trying to change something important in your life and then the next day going on vacation. I don't do it intentionally, but when I think vacation I allow myself to throw any positive habits I've developed out the window. We could be 100% faithfully reading our scriptures, summer comes and we read nothing. So really when you factor in the three months of summer break, the week of Thanksgiving, two weeks for Christmas, and a week for spring break - that's four months of vacation. So, for at least four months out of the year I am not faithfully reading my scriptures, exercising, or eating anything at all resembling healthy food, and it's frustrating. Not only that, but they are spaced so that as soon as I get back on the wagon there is another "vacation" waiting to take me down. How do I combat the vacation mindset that undermines my success?

Step 1 in the addiction recovery program talks about being willing to abstain.  This line from step 1 gives me hope: "The only requirement to begin recovery is the desire to stop participating in the addiction. If your desire is small and inconsistent today, don’t worry. It will grow!" I would have to say that my desire over the last weekend was just that - small and inconsistent, but every day I wanted to do better. So, per the program, what do I have to gain from abstaining, and what do I lose when I indulge?

When indulge I lose:

• My integrity. When I am being destructive to my body and when I indulge and try to explain away my behavior I lose integrity.
• Power over my addiction. Every time I stop acting with integrity and indulge in addictive behavior I lose more that just that day or that moment, but it's like starting over only 10 times harder.
• The opportunity to reach my goals. It's not just a stop, but it is a decisive step in the wrong direction.
• Momentum. 

When I abstain I gain:

• Confidence in my self and my choices.
• A stronger heart, might, and mind.
• Every good choice fills my bucket and makes me more able to resist temptation.
• An attitude of abstinence that carriers over into other areas I struggle with like spending money compulsively.

I guess I should specify what abstaining means for me. Abstaining isn't really about the food so much as it is about the behavior. I am a compulsive eater and often mindlessly put food into my mouth when I am not hungry and without really thinking about it.  Abstaining from compulsive eating is my main goal.  Along with that is a desire to significantly reduce the amount of processed foods and empty carbs from my diet. So with that said, I present my heavily carb loaded food intake for today.

My food for today:

1 1/4 muffin

Chobani yogurt

Chocolate milk

Baked potato with chili

Beginning tomorrow, my focus will be adding in weight training at least three times a week and eating more protein, less carbs.

Photo for the day. Keeping it real!

Day 2 Going on vacation the day after I decide to change my life.

A report on yesterday's successes: stayed pretty close to my plan, but found myself with a handful of chocolate chips and popcorn before I realized I was unconsciously snacking. I did go over on my allotted calories, but I was more aware of my choices and still are fewer calories than usual.  Today we are traveling to Utah so no fitness picture, but I will post a picture today.

Meal plan:
B: chibani yogurt with kashi go-lean crisp
L: salad and fruit
D: fish tacos

My goals for today:
Dance like no one is watching
Choose physical activities
Record everything I eat.

Here's my picture from Saturday - Day 2. It was not intentionally bad, but oh well.

You Have to Start Somewhere - Honesty

It's painful to face, but I am at the heaviest I have ever been, barring pregnancy. Weighing in at 182 lbs., my 5'4" frame is not equipped to handle this weight without making my joints creek and my back ache.

I've tried lots of diets, fitness plans, fads, and trends, but lately I have been completely unmotivated to even try. With over 50 lbs to lose, I'm discouraged and frustrated.

With this photo journal, I am committed to taking a photo every day for a year and recording it here.  Along with the photo I will record my food plan for the day, and my success or failure the next day.  I will take regular measurements and share my exercise plan.

I have to believe that I can be successful, that I can be healthy, and that I am worth the struggle. I will also use the church's addiction recovery program as a guide for my blog.  There are 12 steps and I will tackle a step every month.  This month is honesty.

KEY PRINCIPLE: Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.

Powerless is definitely how I feel. I used to feel empowered, but now I just seem to not care. I eat without thought, and tell myself each night that tomorrow I will change, but it never happens. Part of the first step is being willing to abstain, to stop participating in the addiction. Since mine is food based and it is impossible to not eat I will commit to abstaining from processed food including packaged cookies, chips, and snack food. I will also limit my bread, pasta and rice intake to two portions per day from the three, focusing my food intake on vegetables, fruits, and good proteins.

To day I will eat:
B:  egg sandwich with turkey on English muffin and cantaloupe
L:  apple, salad, 1 tbs ranch, tomatoe, ham
D: Pizza with veggies and fetta and salad and fruit

Exercise: walk 3 miles.  Do 20 minutes calisthenics and stretching before bed.

Meditate and reflect on my day for 10 minutes.